Reason 311

Big days. I'm sure you don't realize it, Jason, but you were present for two of the most important days of my life. Since I'm one of those obnoxiously modern feminist types who questions traditional gender roles, I decided I couldn't wait for my then-boyfriend to get his act together and propose; I'd be a genuine spinster before he got down on one knee and professed his undying love for me. Not because he doesn't adore me, but rather because he is a procrastinator to the nth degree. So, I took the bull by the horns and, in front of many friends and a few strangers who had had too much to drink, I sang Lewis a medley of songs that reflected the evolution of our relationship, ending with "Marry Me" by Bruno Mars. As I'm sure you've surmised, my dear friend, he agreed we'd make a fabulous married couple (and we do) and then we celebrated with cupcakes and a very well-received rendition of "Life's a Happy Song" while the accompanying movie clip played behind us. So you see Jason, you were actually present the night I got engaged. You also made an appearance on my wedding day. Once the vows were said (and I must say they were delightfully funny), rings were exchanged, and Lewis planted a big, wet, lickery kiss on me, we blissfully waltzed down the aisle flanked by family and friends to the smooth stylings of one Mr. Jason Segel, BFF extraordinnaire. That's right - our wedding song was "Life's a Happy Song". Seemed like a better fit than "Dracula's Lament". Now every time that ditty shuffles up on my iPod I get a ridiculously dopey grin on my face and am transported back to that overcast day in July when we threw the best darn wedding most guests had ever been to. I mean, bacon was served. Need I say more?

I'd like to think I've supported you on a few of your big days, too, Jason. I drove over twelve hours to be in the audience the first time you performed in the San Francisco SketchFest and I was there a few hours later when you performed a second time. I've also attended quite a number of opening nights for your movies. I'm sure my $12 tickets made a huge impact on the box office stats for "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", "Despicable Me", and "Bad Teacher", I probably convinced at least two other people to see those flicks after posting my impressions on some social media site. This afternoon you are making an appearance at the Barnes & Noble at the Grove in L.A. and, while I won't physically be in the room with you, I will most definitely be thinking about you and sending positive vibes your way. A few days ago, when I found out you'd be signing books on the same coast I happen to live on, I actually consulted my calendar and checked on airfare to your hometown. Then I realized it would be a tad insane and stalkeresque to fly to L.A. on a Saturday morning, rent a car, maybe chat with you for one minute while you scribbled your name in my copy of Nightmares!, and then hop on a flight home that evening. I love you, Jason, and a plate of chilaquilles rojas from the Mexican joint at the famed Farmer's Market next to the Grove would've made my tummy extremely happy, but I just can't justify the trip. Also, I already have plans for tonight to celebrate my dear friend Tamara's birth and it would be really lame to bail on the unavoidable craziness that is bound to occur in the presence of  nine, acapella-singing gay men. Despite my absence, I'm sure you'll have a stellar turnout, Jason. I wish you all the luck in the world and pray that your hand doesn't cramp up from all the autograph signing you're bound to do. If you happen to drop by a bookstore in Seattle to promote your new book I promise to be in the front row, grinning maniacally and totally creeping you out. That's just what best friends do.

Good on ya'!

I am happy to report, Jason, that I finished Nightmares! last night and thoroughly enjoyed it. Congrats on writing a funny book with a great message that doesn't treat kids like they're idiots and will also appeal to adult fans of kid's books. My copy will be added to my school's library collection so many others can root for Charlie as he battles his demons, and you can bet your sweet bippy that I'll be talking it up. Looking forward to the second book, sir!

Reason 310

A match made in heaven. It's been a busy couple of weeks around here, Jason, and it looks like you're keeping busy too, with all of the interviews you're giving for your new book. A huge congratulations, by the way! Between filming awkward sex scenes with Cameron Diaz and wrapping up the final season of HIMYM, I am quite impressed that you managed to co-author a children's book. Now, unlike you I haven't been maniacally pounding away at my keyboard as of late (which is pretty obvious from my lack of blog posts). I have, however, filled many hours trolling Pinterest for eye-catching bulletin boards, sifting through piles and piles of highly regarded picture books, and committing new biblio-centric acronyms to memory. Why would I submit myself to such delightful pursuits, you ask? Well, after teaching squirrely 6th graders for nine years I decided to shift gears and become a teacher-librarian at an elementary school. Holy cow, I bet you didn't see that one coming...unless you know me really well and know that I am obsessed with children's and YA books and basically spend all of my free time at the public library and have stacks and stacks of unread books covering the floor of our spare bedroom and always pack at least 10 books when I go on vacation and have the word "read" tattooed on my wrist and, well, you get the picture. I guess my acceptance of this new gig isn't much of a shocker after all. Anyhoo, it seems rather serendipitous that I should become a book peddler for the elementary set around the same time that you're peddling a book to that demographic. See? We're a match made in bibliophilic heaven! Feel free to stop by school any time for an author visit, Jason, or send a boatload of autographed copies of Nightmares, or drop in via Skype for a quick interview during check out time. The kids won't mind if you interrupt my riveting read aloud, although you'll have to top my wizard outfit, which includes an exquisite hand-whittled wand made by my adoring husband. Well, I should probably wrap this up, throw on my Muppets pajamas, snuggle down under the covers, and start reading your book. I'm looking forward to taking a peek into your psyche, Jason, and wish you all the best on this new venture of yours.
picture source: http://schlitterblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/peanutbutterlover.jpg