Jason says "read this blog!"
Just when I'm about to sign the DNR papers for this blog something comes along and inspires me to write another post. One of these days Jason Segel will come to his senses and beg me to befriend him. I just hope he isn't waiting to see the 365th reason. It may take years.

365 Reasons Why...An Explanation

Well, hello there (said in a very sexy voice). You're looking quite lovely today. Welcome to my blog. Feel free to take off your shoes and get comfortable, maybe leave a comment or two. This started out as kind of a funny thing to do after I blew a phone conversation with Jason, but I've found I really enjoy writing every day and researching new and interesting things about my future BFF. In January I met Jason at a comedy club and the few words we shared only reinforced my belief that he and I would get along famously. As a dear friend of mine recently said, "why wouldn't he want to be friends with you - you're awesome!" Perhaps the 365 reasons in this blog may just convince Jason of what I already know to be true: separately, our awesomeness is great; combined, it may be enough to take over the world. If you want to be one of my esteemed followers, simply click on the 'follow' button toward the bottom of the page. Come on, you know you want to.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Reason 293

Wildlife Safety. In the last month or so I've read several news stories about not-so-smart humans having disastrous encounters with our ursine brethren. I'm not sure why Yogi and his clan have suddenly become hungry for human flesh (perhaps it has something to do with people destroying their beautiful, tree-filled habitats), but I'm fairly confident, Jason, that if you and I ever frolicked through a meadow in bear country, we would be just fine. How can I be so certain? Well, for one thing I'm intelligent enough not to leave delectable morsels next to my car/tent/bicycle or slather my luscious body with honey (heaven forbid Winnie the Pooh track me down and lick me from head to toe). I was a Girl Scout once upon a time, so I know to hang food from tree branches (or extremely tall older brothers), out of reach from a grizzly's razor-sharp claws. Also, armed with the knowledge that mosquitoes aren't partial to my blood, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't taste good to a bear either. He would probably take a chunk out of my meaty thigh, spit my flesh out in distaste, and amble off in the opposite direction, warning his friends not to bother with the gamy, two-legged creature hanging out with every bear's favorite movie star. This past July I spent a week in Whistler, B.C., where I encountered twelve adorable brown bears, one of them from about 50 feet away during a morning jog. None of them seemed the least bit interested in me...much to my disappointment. Lastly, I grew up watching old Disney live-action films like The Parent Trap, and if those precocious twins taught me anything it's that bears simply detest the sound of two sticks banging together (especially when created by a gold digging, sour-faced socialite who would clearly make a frightful stepmother). All in all I think it's pretty clear you have no reason to fear a bear attack once we're friends. Unfortunately, Jason, I can't say the same if we're hanging out in Seattle's gay neighborhood and a different kind of bear catches your scent. You're on your own for that one.