Totally engaged. It has been said, especially of Hollywood wheeling and dealing, that timing is everything. Well, Mr. Segel, three weeks ago I sang my heart out in front of a bunch of strangers, gave a bumbling but charming speech, and then proposed marriage to my incredible boyfriend of ten months, Lewis. You can pick your jaw up off the floor now. He, of course, said yes, although it did take some encouragement to get him up on stage. Hmm, maybe that isn't a good sign. Won't dwell on that little detail. When my future fiance finally arrived at my side I slipped a swanky handmade LEGO ring halfway down his finger (the man has some meaty hands) and then made out with him a bit too gratuitously, considering my parents were in the audience. We noshed on some delicious cupcakes, retreated to our booth in the front row, and basked in the nauseating glow of love the rest of the evening. A bit later we got back on stage to perform "Life's a Happy Song", replete with Kermit headgear, the perfect end to a perfect proposal. You're probably wondering, Jason, how the aforementioned romantic shenanigans support my years-long quest to be your bestie. To that I say, isn't it obvious? You and the lovely Emily Blunt made a film last year called "The 5 Year Engagement" which opens nationwide in just a few weeks on April 27. Now, I'm not saying that I planned my brilliant proposal to coincide with the release of a romantic comedy about my BFF being engaged for a bazillion years, but it does seem a wee bit fishy. See how supportive I am of your career, Jason? Or are
you being supportive of
my pivotal life moments? I think my brain just exploded a little bit. Whichever the case may be, you can count on me to drop release date info into any conversation I have about my engagement from here on out. I'll promote the taffeta and tulle out of your movie, and I won't even expect you to mention my engagement at all the press conferences you're sure to slog through (although a congratulatory phone call or email wouldn't be frowned upon). I hope the film has a very long run...but I hope Lewis and I have a longer one. Cheers!
