Reason 299

Geeky deals. I'm sure my friends would agree that when it comes to fashion, I am a veritable encyclopedia of style and knowledge...if the only entry in that encyclopedia was about wearing jeans and t-shirts every single day. That said, it should be no surprise to anyone that one of the first things I do each morning is check the daily offering at shirtwoot.com, a website that sells a different t-shirt 365 days of the year. The designs are often hilarious and geeky, a fabulous combination for folks like me, and contributed by artsy nerds who also worship at the Church of Woot. A few weeks ago the daily deal was a shirt emblazoned with the word "inconceivable" with each letter referencing a person or event from "The Princess Bride," which, as everyone knows, is the best movie ever filmed that includes Fred Savage, screeching eels, and a world-famous wrestler with a speech impediment. Without thinking twice I clicked the "I Want One" button and sent twelve bucks off onto the information superhighway. Last week my shirt arrived and, after doing a mortifying happy dance in front of the mailbox and tossing My Precious into the dryer to loosen a couple wrinkles, I proudly sported the latest addition to my wardrobe around town. Most people stared at the pictures in confusion, clearly not cool enough to have watched "The Princess Bride" at least fifteen times. My five year-old niece gave me a once over and asked "Um, what's on your cool shirt?" Since she's only five and hasn't had her mind blown open by six-fingered men and drunken Spaniards with incredible fencing skills, I filled her in. She blinked at me and went on eating her ice cream. I have a feeling, Jason, that you would understand my shirt the minute you saw it and that you would be so consumed with envy that you wouldn't be able to sleep for days. Of course, all of that pain could have been avoided if we were friends because any time Shirt Woot's daily deal referenced an iconic 80's movie or the Muppets or something equally awesome, I'd call you immediately and convince you to buy it. I know you'd be gracious enough to do the same for me. It still smarts that I missed my chance to buy a shirt with a giant donkey pinata on it that advertised El Guapo's Pinata Emporium. My debilitating pain could have been avoided, if only we were friends.