Jason says "read this blog!"
Just when I'm about to sign the DNR papers for this blog something comes along and inspires me to write another post. One of these days Jason Segel will come to his senses and beg me to befriend him. I just hope he isn't waiting to see the 365th reason. It may take years.

365 Reasons Why...An Explanation

Well, hello there (said in a very sexy voice). You're looking quite lovely today. Welcome to my blog. Feel free to take off your shoes and get comfortable, maybe leave a comment or two. This started out as kind of a funny thing to do after I blew a phone conversation with Jason, but I've found I really enjoy writing every day and researching new and interesting things about my future BFF. In January I met Jason at a comedy club and the few words we shared only reinforced my belief that he and I would get along famously. As a dear friend of mine recently said, "why wouldn't he want to be friends with you - you're awesome!" Perhaps the 365 reasons in this blog may just convince Jason of what I already know to be true: separately, our awesomeness is great; combined, it may be enough to take over the world. If you want to be one of my esteemed followers, simply click on the 'follow' button toward the bottom of the page. Come on, you know you want to.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Reason 296

Public humiliation. Despite being a bit fanatical about music I opted out of watching last night’s Grammy awards so I could correct piles of homework while enjoying the sweat and tears of fat people on NBC who are battling it out for a cash prize, confetti falling from the ceiling, and a body that appears overly tanned and a bit too gaunt for my taste. God, how I adore reality TV. I did, however, catch a handful of performances as well as one brief acceptance speech by that cheeky lady from across the pond who has worked everyone into a thither with her melodic album chronicling the heartbreak caused by a man who did her wrong (and, let’s be honest, the man was most likely British and suffered from poor dental hygiene, so she’s better off). No, I’m not talking about Susan Boyle, although I bet she’s cheeky in her own right. Your ubiquitous co-star, Mr. Neil Patrick Harris, presented a humble Adele with the award for Song of the Year and, while she was the picture of class in a chic black dress as she sailed up the stairs to the stage, the moment was shattered when she faced the audience and started chomping away on a piece of gum. Gum! Poor Adele looked like a cow who’d been slipped a plug of chocolate-flavored cud, masticating away, her face contorting in ecstasy as she savored her moment in the spotlight. You can bet your sweet bippy, Jason, that if you are ever nominated for any kind of award, whether it be for Best Chest Hair in a Summer Teen Comedy or the GD Nobel Prize, I will discreetly remind you to spit out your gum, even if that means into my very own hand, before you run screaming up to the podium to nab your statue and do a joyous end zone dance. As much as I adore Adele’s soaring voice and feel akin to her because we are both members of the Chubby Lady Club, I can’t get past her very public gum faux pas, and I would hate to think that one day some fan of yours would be scarred for life because of a similar debacle that could have been prevented if only you and I were friends, Jason Segel. Sheesh.