Reason 289

Deadlines. For those of you who have been keeping track, today marks the anniversary of my phone chat with a very talented, handsome, Muppet-loving gentleman who answers to the name Jason Segel. The morning after that awkward conversation I started this blog in an attempt to convince Mr. Funny Pants we should be friends. If all had gone according to plan (and let's be honest, nothing ever does), this would be my 365th post. I would have faithfully shared reason after reason with my adoring public (or at least my fawning parents and supportive friends), reaching the one-year milestone with a blissful smile on my face and Jason seated on my comfy couch, bowl of popcorn in his lap, ready to watch The Muppets Take Manhattan. Alas, I have not been as dedicated in recent months as I once was, neglecting my bid for friendship in favor of more worthwhile pursuits like cringe-worthy first dates and eyeballing the filth in my bathroom with disdain. I did, however, over the course of the year manage to act like a complete dolt in front of Jason three times and squeal with girlish glee when he posted a comment on this very blog, which only reinforced my unhealthy ambition of becoming Segel's bosom buddy (1980's drag outfits and cheesy sitcom script not necessary). Looks like stalking has some benefits, afterall. Despite my recent apathetic approach to wooing you, Jason, I still strongly believe we'd get along like gangbusters, and since you're so hip I know you'll forgive me for letting the deadline for completing this blog whoosh by me like air between a certain blonde celebutante's ears. In my 33 years of living I've learned the importance of flexibility; the world will not come to a crashing end if every single deadline isn't adhered to, especially those we set for ourselves. Once we're thick as thieves, Jason, I'll happily remind you of this any time you're up against a deadline and your agent is breathing down your neck. Life is too short to be slaving away at a keyboard, cranking out new pages for what's sure to be Carrot Top's comeback movie. I'll even forgive you if you neglect some friend-related due date. Just don't forget my birthday or there will be hell to pay. We Leos do not like to be ignored.