Reason 214

Acrophobia. No matter how adrenaline-inducing they may be, sky diving and trapeze artistry will probably never be on our to-do lists, Jason, since both of us suffer from a fear of heights. My discomfort with being up high has never stopped me from experiencing certain activities (like my poor friend who trembles at the thought of being on the 2nd floor of the mall), but I definitely thought twice before stepping into the wicker basket attached to a hot air balloon a few years ago (great birthday present for someone who hates being five feet off the ground) and strapping myself into the parasailing harness when I was vacationing in Hawaii. I'm not sure why unrestrained elevation frightens me so, perhaps it's because as a freakishly tall person I have a lot further to fall. Luckily, being a teacher rarely requires me to tower more than a foot or so above my minions - I mean my students. Actually, any time I need to hang a poster about how awesome reading is or attach craft projects to the ceiling, there is always a handful of eager children who will risk life and limb while balancing precariously on a chair in order to add pizzazz to my classroom. As an actor, Jason, you also have access to underlings (known to most people as insane stunt doubles) who will happily support your phobia when one of your characters has to endure a gut-wrenching roller coaster ride or hang from a cliff at the edge of the Pacific ocean. Of course, sometimes a director's vision requires a close up of your adorable mug during these scenes, so the audience can bear witness to the authentic fear in your eyes. Bummer for you. Since I am such an excellent friend, Jason, I will steadfastly stand by your side during filming of such vertigo-worthy scenes, or maybe peek at you from a safe distance, and offer comfort and support while your heart rate reaches unusually high levels and you begin to question why you didn't become a CPA instead of an actor. As far as I know CPA's are never suspended from great heights. And if you ever want to stare your acrophobia in the face by trying your hand at tightrope walking or bungee jumping, I will happily tag along, extra pair of underwear at the ready in case you have a repeat performance of the unfortunate Disneyland magic store incident. Now, if boxer-brief duty isn't friendship, I don't know what is.