Reason 134

House sitting. I usually don't like to toot my own horn, but when it comes to watching other peoples' homes and/or animals, I do a pretty amazing job (translation - I put up with a lot of craziness). For five years now I have been taking care of a spectacular, long-haired cat named Sparkle about once a month while her parents abandon her for their condo in Vancouver. Right now they are living it up in Paris, so I am dutifully watching over their home and Miss Sparkle for three weeks. It's a rough gig. As much as I adore the people I work for, they are most definitely crazy cat people. One of my job requirements used to entail visiting Mrs. Murphy, a stray cat who lived two blocks away in front of a nursing home. I fed her twice a day, staying with her until she had eaten all of her food to ensure no other strays stole her dry kibble, and strewing a handful of food on the side of the building to distract the crows from swooping in for a kill. In the colder months I also heated up a saline bag, called a hot potato, in the microwave and placed it inside Mrs. Murphy's little house so ice wouldn't form on her twitchy whiskers during the night. The area the cat lived in was destroyed a few times and my boss was so concerned that she hired a pet psychic to talk to Mrs. Murphy about who was attacking her in the night. Turns out the culprits were raccoons, or "the creatures with dark eyes," as Mrs. Murphy 'described' them to the psychic. Thankfully for everyone involved, Mrs. Murphy was adopted and now spends her days leisurely napping in a swanky condo in Seattle. Hanging out with Sparkle is my most frequent gig, but I have also taken care of a black Lab whose owner fed her homemade stew instead of kibble and didn't want me to leave the dog alone for more than 4 hours, even on Thanksgiving, as well as a whole menagerie of animals (pugs, rabbits, birds) owned by two socially-inept sisters who didn't believe me when I told them the dogs barked all night and I could never sleep. Jason, I don't know if you own pets, but if you do I would happily lavish them with love, treats, and bellly rubs (if appropriate) while you are out of town. I'm free for 6 weeks every summer, so if you need a responsible person to guard your home, just let me know. I won't even charge extra for shooing away paparazzi.