Reason 146

Bumper stickers. No, I am not one of those obnoxious people who has covered her car in so many sound-bite stickers that I distract other drivers and can barely see out my back window. I do, however, have a few very carefully chosen sentiments affixed to my rear bumper/trunk area, and I am fairly certain, Jason, that you would not be embarrassed to cruise around in my car because of them. There is nary a political statement in sight, although some may argue that "Get real: Like Jesus would ever own a gun or vote Republican" leans a bit to the left - I prefer to think it's commentary on my dislike of hypocrisy. It also confuses my students, which is always a plus. What isn't confusing is my love for books, as showcased by the "Reading is sexy" sticker, and my attempt at being an athlete, as demonstrated by the "runner girl" sticker. I also have an HRC equality symbol proudly on display because supporting equal rights for gay folks seems like a no-brainer to me. I did buy a sticker of Inigo Montoyo spouting his famous words about killing his father with every intention of putting it on my trunk, but it just didn't look right against the white paint, so now it hangs in my classroom, a litmus test of sorts to identify the cool kids who have seen The Princess Bride. Over the years my cars have also advertised bands I adore, like Indigo Girls and Barenaked Ladies, as well as childhood loves like School House Rocks. Sadly, I could never track down the funniest bumper sticker I ever saw: Tree cheers for the arboretum! It's been fifteen years and I still giggle when I think of it. All in all, I think the personal beliefs touted by my car are pretty hip and suit me to a T, and I guarantee, Jason, you will never have to worry about driving around in a vehicle with me that proclaims "These colors don't run" or some other trite statement about patriotism. I think now all I need to make my collection complete is a sticker of the Muppets. If you ever see one, please kindly send it my way.