Reason 273

Time zone. Is there nothing more convenient, Jason, than living in the same time zone as your friends? Well, except perhaps for living in the same neighborhood or having all the same interests or having the same body type so you can swap clothes instead of dropping cash on a new outfit for that first date (no, you can not borrow my super-cute hot pink dress, Jason). Still, I do think it's rather handy that both of us reside in Pacific Standard Time so that when we start calling each other constantly to gab about obnoxious coworkers and whiny students we won't have to do any pesky math in our heads. Add three hours? Are you insane? My brain hurts from all the teaching I did today - just hand me the phone. We also won't have to worry about spoiler alerts when chatting about reality TV show finales because we will find out the shocking results of which creepy bachelor was chosen, which insane survivalist outwitted, outlasted and outplayed, or which morbidly obese fame monger dropped the most pounds at the exact same time. Shame on those east coast people who post status updates about the winners and suck all of the anticipation right out of the big night. Also, unlike those weird states where citizens have thrown off the shackles of time change and bask in the anarchistic glow of never wondering if they need to spring forward or back, Washington and California do their little time switcheroo twice a year without fail, so you and I will always experience the four seasons simultaneously (and can continue to avoid crunching those horrible numbers in our heads). Now, if we could only synchronize our sleep patterns for mornings like this one where I wake up way too early for a Sunday and need someone to entertain me until Target opens. I'd hate to rouse you from a fabulously bizarre dream or prematurely interrupt your recovery from excessive alcohol consumption the night before just because I had trouble sleeping. I guess I'll just have to harass my mother instead since she's practically Amish when it comes to a regimented sleep routine. She really should make good use of those morning hours and churn butter or raise a barn or something.