Reason 248

Mustache appreciation. The other day while noshing on a pulled pork sandwich at a funky BBQ joint in Sisters, Oregon, my eye spied an autographed picture of Sam Elliott, a man known for his glorious facial hair as much as his acting chops. Seeing Mr. Elliott in all his black-and-white movie still glory reminded me of a radio interview you gave ages ago (thanks, YouTube!) in which you and the DJ's professed your appreciation for famous men and the equally famous hairy ctaerpillars perched above their upper lips. You're top three mustaches of all time belong to Tom Selleck (as Magnum P.I., of course), the aforementioned Sam Elliott, and the other famous mustached Sam - Mr. Shepard. Now, I agree that those men sport some amazing facial hair, but my third choice would definitely be Dastardly, the cartoon villain of "Dastardly and Muttley in Their Flying Machines" fame. Sure, his mustache is drawn on, but it is still a wonder to watch him twirl it menacingly between his gloved fingers. I bet Sam Shepard can't do that! Other folks who stake a claim in my mustache-loving heart include Charlie Chaplin and Adolf Hitler (the only redeemable thing about that monster). I'm sure there are others, but they don't come to mind at the moment. Our differences of opinion about legendary 'staches doesn't worry me, Jason, since I think disagreement between friends is a healthy thing. We should be able to engage in rousing debates about mundane topics like famous facial hair or toilet paper quality or the existence of yetis, secure in the knowledge that we do agree on important things, like the complete and total awesomeness of Disneyland. Besides, no matter what you say I will always be right - no need to argue about that.