Reason 253

Bed sharing. After sharing an overly soft queen-size bed with my mother the last two weeks, I am happy to report that last night's trip to dreamland was the best I've had in a fortnight. That said, if you're going to share a bed with someone (in a completely non-sexual way) I think I'm a darn good choice. I have platonically slept with a number of people over the years and have heard nary a complaint from any of them. Now, I can't think of a scenario in which you and I would share a bed, Jason - perhaps we're traveling together, have lost all of our magical credit cards, and only have enough cash between us to pay for dinner at Denny's and a single room at Motel 6 - but I can practically guarantee that if it were to happen I would not disrupt your REM cycle with sharp kicks to your legs or foghorn-like noises issuing forth from my nasal region (although you may hear a very slight snuffling sound, according to my mom, so just pretend your cozying up next to an overgrown pig). I will be gracious enough to wear pajamas that won't send you into a sexual frenzy (unless you're turned on by plaid flannel) and am perfectly content with the covers situation as long as I have a single corner to grip tightly in my hand. I'm ambidextrous when it comes to sides, so feel free to call dibs on the half of the bed closest to the bathroom, and I may even smell lovely while tucking myself in thanks to the intoxicating scent of Bath & Body Works citrus body lotion. All I ask in return for all of my thoughtfulness is that you don't sleep naked or try a ninja spooning move on me because, as friends, that would just be awkward.