Reason 265

Photographic shenanigans. With the advent of digital cameras and my ever-growing obsession with "America's Next Top Model," I recently took a long, hard look at myself and realized I am a total camera whore. My trusty pocket-size camera is always handy, ready to be whipped out at a moment's notice to document such earth-shattering events as my nieces eating Play-Doh, my dog laying on her back, legs apart, as if she were posing for canine porn, and my mom with a crazed look in her eyes as she threatens to stab me with an extremely sharp butcher knife (I will call CPS, if needed, Mother). Of course, my favorite subject is me (I blame my astrological sign) and I jump at any opportunity to mug for the camera, taking great delight in staging faux candid moments worthy of a Facebook album. If there is a tasty alcohol beverage in my hand you can bet I'll demand the sot next to me snap a pic while I daintily take a sip and bat my eyelashes; everyone knows puckered lips are very sexy. Luckily for my friends and family, I do my darndest to make photo opps fun. I will mount that fallen log, dance seductively with that playground pole, and shower myself with various objects (leaves, popcorn, feathers - whatever) if it keeps the photographer happy. You've been the focus of so many photo shoots, Jason, that I imagine you'd enjoy being on the other end of a camera, snapping silly pictures of me during our various and sundry excursions. I think I take direction fairly well and will trust your vision, even if it requires me to slather myself in mud and hop on one foot while chanting Germanic folk tunes. As long as I smyze my ass off I know you'll get the perfect shot and that's all that matters.