School supplies. For teachers, the joy that late summer brings is the equivalent to a junkie finding out the local pharmacy is passing out Oxy-Contin for free. Every week starting in mid-July the Sunday paper is jam-packed with ads from every office supply and general purpose store in a 50-mile radius tantalizing my colleagues and me with cheap pens, glue sticks, scissors and the like - items every self-respecting educator hoards in her desk drawer, refusing to share with her students. Basically, the newspaper intentionally distributes glossy teacher porn for one month every year and me likey. Today was my day to metaphorically whack off (um, does that term apply to women?). As soon as I tied up some loose ends at school I zipped down the hill to Target, reusable grocery bag in one hand and a comforting red shopping basket in the other. Thank goodness there weren't any small children running wild in the store because I was a woman on a mission and a few casualties weren't about to deter me from loading up on dollar packs of Crayola markers and reams of college-lined notebook paper. When the Expo markers caught my eye, so colorful in their utilitarian packaging, I had to stop myself from sneaking off to a dark corner and commiting indecent acts with them. Oh, the things I could write on my board with those markers! Perhaps next year it would be wise to enlist a friend like you, Jason, to join me on my pink Pearl eraser expedition so I don't end up on a poster of Target customers to watch out for. Of course, it also goes without saying that any time you need to pick up a few pads of Post-its or want to sniff wooden rulers, I am more than willing to tag along and give you pointers on getting the most bang for your buck. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to cover myself in finger paints and roll around in a giant pile of index cards.
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