Reason 116

Cleanliness. You know those people who wipe down the bathroom sink every morning after brushing their teeth or leave vacuum lines in their carpet or organize their closets by season and color of shirt? Well, I am not one of those people. In fact, I am fairly oblivious when it comes to keeping my home tidy. I wouldn't say I live in a pigsty, but my condo definitely looks lived in, with the stacks of unopened mail on the kitchen table, shoes strewn about the living room and the one pair of pants that, after 2 months, just can't seem to make its way off the bed into a drawer. Good thing I live alone, I guess. Unbeknowst to my friends, my housekeeping blindness benefits them because if I am hanging out at their house and they have forgotten to wipe down a counter, dust their tchotchkes or toss some dirty clothes in the hamper, it's almost guaranteed I will take no notice. In fact, when I was an assistant supervisor at a group home one of my responsibilities was making sure the teenage boys living there kept their bedrooms and common spaces relatively grime-free, and almost everyday my supervisor would walk me through the house, shaking his head with disappointment as he pointed out all of the unacceptable dirt and clutter I had missed. He just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that I was blissfully unaware of the mess. It probably didn't help that he was a smidge OCD. Jason, as my friend, you will never have to worry about cleaning up your mansion before my arrival, which means you'll have more time to knit your pet canary a sweater, rearrange the features on your Mr. Potato Head, or perfect your Electric Slide solo. Sure, cleanliness is next to godliness, but who the heck wants to be God? She has way too much on her plate, and I'm not about to complain if it's been soaking in the sink for a few days.