Reasons 111 & 112

Cat eye glasses and child actors. Today I attended a local production of Bye Bye, Birdie in which all of the actors ranged in age from 7 to 17. Don't laugh - it was free. Since the show takes place in the 1950's I thought it only appopriate to rock my bejeweled, black cat-eye glasses, despite the strange looks I received from the suburban soccer moms and their perfectly coiffed tots. I purchased the spectacles a few years ago at a thrift store so I would always be prepared to channel the spirit of the Pink Ladies from Grease, a movie I watched at least 50 times when I was in 5th grade. I'm tempted to put on the sleek pair every time I eat a Kraft dinner so that if a rhinestone comes loose I can whine "double doody, a diamond fell in my macaroni." Hmm, perhaps my parents should have done a better job monitoring my movie viewing habits. Anyway, Jason, you never know when you'll be invited to a retro-themed party, but when that day comes at least you will have a good friend who'll be happy to hang on your arm in her cat-eye glasses, whispering "tell me about it, Stud" anytime you need a little boost of confidence. I will, however, refuse to wear skintight leather pants. Bye Bye, Birdie also gave me a chance to practice my patience while I endured song and dance numbers that anyone not directly related to a cast member would't pay good money to see. Sure, a handful of the kids were pretty talented, hitting every note and hamming it up for the crowd, but most of the other young thespians couldn't project past the front row, master basic dance steps, or reach that high C if their life depended on it. I have attended more youth productions over the years than I can count, first as a student, then as a teacher, so I have built up a pretty high tolerance for cute kids with minimal talent. I'm sure one of these days, Jason, an exuberant cousin or niece will take a stab at being on stage and you will be expected to attend the entire performance without complaint. As your friend, I would be willing to sacrifice my time and sanity to accompany you to the little moppet's first foray into stage life. And, if the show is really terrible I can always take one for the team by faking an emergency and getting us the heck out of there. An unfortunate poke to the eye by a well-loved pair of glasses might be just what the theater gods ordered.