Reason 79

Amusing status updates. Now, I know what you're thinking Jason. Everyone believes their Facebook status updates are hilarious, or at least worthy of being read and commented on. Well, except maybe those people who always post about going to the gym, running mindless errands or cleaning the house. Seriously, do they realize they are clogging up valuable news feed space with that crap? I guesstimate that my updates will get a chuckle out of you at least 75% of the time. Hmm, now that I think about it you're really funny and spend most of your day working with really funny people, so maybe it would be closer to 50% of the time. On a scale of 1 to 10 just how side-splitting are Jonah Hill's updates?! Oh, the pressure! Little beads of sweat are popping out on my upper lip just thinking about it and my heart is racing like a hooker's on her first "date". Ok, deep breath in through the nose...out through the mouth. That's better. Maybe it would be more convincing if I shared some of those updates with you. Let's see, I've written about the joys of eating cake over the kitchen sink while standing in your underwear, smuggling a broken bra out of my classroom so the janitor wouldn't think I was stripping at school, threatening to stab a student in the throat with his own pencil...wow, I sound like a total nutcase. Well, even if my status updates are more frightening than amusing, at least I can promise to never post about my current rank in MafiaWars or the tasty creme brulee I just whipped up in Cafe World. Not even my worst enemy deserves that.