Reason 87

Real teachers. Congrats seem to be in order, Jason. I have received approximately one billion links to articles about Bad Teacher, the latest Cameron Diaz vehicle in which you will be playing a middle school P.E. teacher. Now, teachers have long been maligned on film, often looking completely incompetent or like fascist disciplinarians. Gym teachers, especially, seem to fit into two categories: the ruthless, butch lesbian or the overweight, creepy guy who struts around in teeny shorts, ogling the blossoming, young girls. I have been a teacher for almost five years and that doesn't line up with my experience at all. Sure, there have been days when the kids are totally out of control and threatening them within an inch of their lives is the only way to turn the situation around, but those days are pretty rare. There are four P.E. teachers at my school and nary a one comes close to the stereotypes people see on the big and little screens. Jason, I know you are a stickler for authenticity when it comes to the roles you play, so I would be more than happy to prep you on all the things middle school teachers deal with on a daily basis. All the awkward things that slip from the mouths of babes, the plethora of confusing educational acronyms, coma-inducing staff meetings, "helicopter" parents that challenge every point lost on their precious babies' assignments...the list of atrocities goes on and on. Heck, you could even spend a day or two shadowing me. I don't want to bruise your ego, but most of my students have no idea who you are since you don't play a vampire or werewolf on TV, so you'd be able to observe freely. My students certainly wouldn't care about being on their best behavior, so everything you see would be a true reflection of daily life for American tweenagers. Working at a middle school is almost like seeing a car accident - it's disturbing, but you can't seem to tear your eyes away from the wreckage. Honestly, Jason, how can you resist?