Reason 153

Grocery carts. In 1937 a man named Sylvan Goldman invented the very first grocery cart, forever changing the shopping experience. No longer did weary housewives have to brave the flourescent aisles, one arm laden with Wonder Bread and Miracle Whip, the other with a squirmy toddler who desperately wanted to run around the store screaming like a banshee. Now consumers were free to stroll up and down the lanes, tossing whatever their hearts desired into the mobile metal basket and battling that one wonky wheel that had a mind of its own. What Goldman probably didn't anticipate was all the vehicular damage orphaned carts would cause in parking lots the world over or the proliferation of stolen carts in apartment complexes from Seattle to Shanghai. It really gets my goat when I pull into a parking spot and an abandoned cart is blocking my path, its back wheels propped up on the sidewalk or curb, as if the last owner really made an effort to be responsible. How difficult is it to walk an extra twenty or thirty feet and put the cart in its nest? All it wants is to be with its own kind, snuggled up, basket to basket, waiting patiently for the teenage wrangler to make his hourly sweep of the lot. What chaps my hide even more, though, are the people who see nothing wrong with walking a cart all the way to their building, even if they live half a mile away. Yes, I applaud you for getting off your ass and walking to the store instead of burning up valuable fossil fuel, but your attempt at saving the planet is a tad overshadowed by the fact that you just committed theft! Please suck it up and live with the humiliation of looking like a bag lady with your own little cart, so responsible shoppers like me don't get shafted by increasing prices that are a direct result of the thousands of dollars stores lose every year to replace their missing carts. Jason, rest assured that when we are done trolling the aisles of Safeway together I will always return our cart to its home, saving drivers everywhere the frustration of being dinged by runaway baskets. Besides, careening through the parking lot on an empty cart en route to the nest is the highlight of any shopping excursion. Why would I give that up?