Reasons 151 & 152

May Day! May Day! The first of May is upon us and with it brings thoughts of either two things: bountiful bouquets of spring blooms (I heart alliteration) or sinking ships and safety drills. Well, Jason, stick with me because I have firsthand experience in both areas. As a teacher at a public school I am expected (with the rest of the building) to participate in one fire drill each month, as well as an earthquake and lockdown drill every three months. Lucky for me the school I work in was remodeled about ten years ago and the new smoke detection system is extremely sensitive, so we end up having fire drills upwards of four times a month. Any time someone leaves popcorn in the micorwave for two seconds too long, conducts a science experiment involving fire (the best kind), or moves dust around too aggressively, the dang lights start flashing, we immediately stop learning about ancient civilizations or cockroaches or whatever, and march out to the field, where we wait for twenty minutes for the fire department to show up and clear us to return to our classrooms. As you may know, middle school students are as patient as a gaggle of Buddhist monks and just love standing in straight lines until kingdom comes. So, not only can I get you out of a building quickly if the alarm goes off, Jason, I can also entertain you in the pouring rain with nothing more than my wits and a foil blanket until the drill is over. Now, if that fire alarm goes off on May 1st I may even pluck some flowers from a nearby neighbor's yard, whip up a basket out of strips of construction paper (a la my kindergarten days), and lovingly place them in your arms in celebration of May Day. Heck, we could even create a maypole from a nearby tree and our shoelaces, then prance around it, giving thanks to spring - clothing would be optional. As an atheist I fully support any holiday originated by those wacky Pagans, especially one that involves flowers. Ironically, the Druids used to start a giant fire to celebrate May Day, which was the halfway point in their calendar. Hmm, with all of my fire safety knowledge perhaps I should have been born pre-Christ. On second thought, I don't think I'd be down with the whole human sacrifice thing. As awesome as Wicker Man is (the original, not that Nicolas Cage schlock), it still scares the crap out of me. I guess I'll stick to showering you with flowers, Jason.