Reason 159

Massages. I just returned from what may be the most luxurious experience of my entire life - a two hour massage. About three years ago I bought a membership at a nearby Massage Envy so that I could indulge in a monthly rubdown, but I have never enjoyed a massage that lasted so impossibly long before. Can you imagine, Jason, having your entire body kneaded and carressed (by a professional, mind you - not some chick you met at the neighborhood bar) for the equivalent of the entire running time of Trading Places? Beef jerkey time, indeed! My therapist soothed muscles I didn't know I had and made me so relaxed that I had a hard time putting on my underwear when the whole thing was over. There aren't enough adjectives in the English language to describe the incredible time I spent on that cozy, heated table. If you are ever feeling a little tense and need a massage when you're in my neck of the woods, Jason, I will happily send you Lisa's way. If you are looking, however, for a relaxing adventure of a different kind I would love for you to check out a couple of local massage parlors that I am convinced only cater to men. There has been more than one time when I have driven past a shady looking building off the freeway that advertises foot massages, its 'open' sign still lit up at ten or eleven o'clock at night, making me wonder just what kind of clientele they cater to at such a late hour. Right across the street from this business is the Red Dragon Spa, another sketchy looking place wedged between a 7-11 and a paint store, which must be a front for some kind of tawdry activity. I never see anyone going in or coming out, yet it has managed to stay open for years. Jason, we have established that if you are bolstered by enough liquid courage you become a man who knows no shame, so I would really appreciate it if you explored the services offered by these nearby establishments and then reported back to me with every salacious detail. Just think of it as a sacrifice you are willing to make for a friend.