Reason 181

Crying. On more than one occasion, Jason, you have admitted to members of the press that you cry on a regular basis, especially during heart-wrenching movies, like Whale Rider. My tear ducts didn't get too much of a workout growing up, but as an adult I exercise them on a fairly regular basis, either while watching films that yank at my heartstrings (I was a wreck the last thirty minutes of Marley & Me) or guffawing so hysterically that I need a box of Kleenex on standby. I am comfortable crying in front of other people and definitely appreciate men who can openly cry and who don't see it as a weakness. The one time I wouldn't recommend sobbing uncontrollably in front of a lady is when you are in the bedroom attempting to coax her into taking off her clothes. Apparently, you and a woman friend were snuggled up in bed one night and decided to watch Terms of Endearment before sealing the deal. Um, are you insane, Jason?! There is nothing sexy about cancer (or Jack Nicholson, for that matter) and no woman worth her vulva will want to offer up her sacred flower after being drained of all her emotional energy by the mother-daughter scenes in that movie. The next time you feel like bawling your eyes out, please give me a call instead. I promise I won't take advantage of you in your vulnerable state, unless by 'taking advantage' I mean forcing you to entertain me with your motley puppet collection since you will be too weak to resist my demands. I don't care if your face is covered in snot - entertain me, Mr. Segel! Grind that organ like the weepy little monkey you are!