Reason 161

Multiple personalities. Last week I started watching the first season of "The United States of Tara," an enthralling show about a woman trying to live as normal a life as possible while dealing with three very distinct personalities who occasionally make an appearance and completely disrupt her life. Now, as brilliant as Toni Colette is as Tara and as fascinating as each of her alters is, I think I can guarantee, Jason, that I will never have a psychotic episode that irrevocably splinters my ego into different pieces (although with the day I am having today I am getting pretty close). Dialing my phone number with trepidation and wondering if Bunny, a born-again Christian, will answer and attempt to recruit you as the celebrity spokesman for her church's Scared Straight program will never be a factor in our friendship. In fact, I think most people would describe me as fairly even-tempered, perhaps even predictable, so you will always know what to expect from me. Sure, being able to blame outlandish behavior on the reckless teenager living in my head or skip out on work because Walter needed to spend the day downtown chasing tail sounds promising, perhaps even exciting, but in the end I am happy to be exactly who I am - a thirty-something teacher who loves to make people laugh, bake scrumptious cookies, sing really loud when no one is listening, and plead her case each day for why Jason Segel should be her friend. Besides, I barely have the energy to keep track of my own life, let alone someone else's, imagined or not.