Reason 154

My own currency. No, I don't have a private printing press in my basement, cranking out paper money whenever I need a buck like the Fratellis in Goonies. What I do have, though, is access to an endless supply of Feudal Farthings, colorful fake money in four denominations used by the 6th grade teachers to bribe our students into submission the last few months of school. Teachers from each core subject pose for a group shot that is printed onto the money, a nice reminder to our kids that we are vigilantly keeping tabs on their behavior, even if it's just from their pockets or binders. Since I have been a part of the 6th grade team for five years (we are, hands down, the most awesome grade level), my gorgeous mug has, at one point or another, appeared on every bill put into circulation. I bet none of your fancy celebrity friends can brag about being pictured on highly valuable fins and sawbucks, Jason. If you play your cards right I may even be willing to create a limited-edition C-note that showcases your regal profile. I'll need a few weeks lead time, though - our print shop is notorious for 'misplacing' orders. It must be all the fumes from the copy ink.