Reason 167

Evolution. Up until a few years ago I naively went about my business under the assumption that all rational people believe in evolution. In middle school my science teacher did an excellent job of explaining natural selection and gushing about the awesomeness of Charles Darwin, and I thought everyone had a similar experience. In fact, I still use my 6th grade understanding of taller giraffes surviving and passing their freaky genes on to their adorable offspring all because they were able to reach more leaves as a way to wrap my brain around the idea that change is constant and everything on our planet is evolving. Take that, short giraffes! Well, as I found out in a small, dark bar in Seattle many moons ago, there are adults out there who believe Darwin's theories are bunk and are masquerading as intelligent, logical people. One of my good friends at the time (who shall remain nameless for fear of further embarrassment) revealed to me, after I mentioned something about idiots who are in denial about the monkey-human connection, that he was in fact one of those idiots. He had been raised by southern Baptist parents who drilled into him the so-called truth found in the Bible and he didn't bother to question their preaching even though he was in his mid-20's. Well, as you can imagine this news caused my eyes to bug out of my head for a good minute or so, and then I asked him if he believed in gravity. In my mind it doesn't seem reasonable to choose one scientifically proven theory over another. My question ended our conversation pretty quickly and we never spoke of evolution again. Imagine my surprise and delight then, Jason, when you recounted in an interview a date you had gone on with a perfectly lovely woman who shocked you halfway through dinner when she casually mentioned she didn't believe in evolution. You politely excused yourself from the table, ran to the bathroom and splashed cold water in your face, stunned that you had been duped into believing your dining companion was a sane human being. Seems you and I have more in common than I realized - like the two of us really need to keep a better eye out for Jesus fish on people's cars.