Reason 187

Sports. One look at me and most people would rightfully assume I'm not much of an athlete. I just don't give off that jock vibe. A conversation about baseball or hockey will hold my attention for maybe five minutes and I would rather sit and stare at a wall all day than attend a professional football game. I'm not anti-sports, as demonstrated by my occasional willingness to take in a Mariner's game at Safeco field or a Storm basketball game (in fact, I am watching the ladies play right now and they are destroying Phoenix). I did take ballet and tap classes when I was in elementary school (I make an excellent dancing poodle), sat in the dugout many a weekend during T-ball season, and played on a soccer team for a few years, which is pretty much required in this part of the country, but overall I always found books and movies to be much more worthwhile ways to spend my time. Besides, following rules and working as a team have never been strengths of mine. As Pee Wee would say, I'm a loner, a rebel, and that isn't a good fit for organized sports. My avoidance of almost all things athletic benefits you in two ways, Jason. First, I will never want to crash your time in front of the TV watching the Final Four or some other God-awful event. I am certainly independent enough to find other ways of filling my time and will leave you alone until the final buzzer. Also, if you ever convince me to throw some sort of equipment around it is almost guaranteed you will look like an all-state champion next to little ol' me. You would definitely beat me at racquetball, a game of HORSE, bowling, and even a round of croquet. The only activity I may have a fighting chance of beating you at is Frisbee or perhaps cricket, which I played a few times in high school and was surprisingly skilled at. So, Jason, the next time you need to lord your athleticism over someone, feel free to give me a call. Just watch out for my Googly - it will knock you on your ass if you're not paying attention.