Reason 196

The Tony's. Tonight CBS will air the least-watched and most mildly glamorous awards show of the year, the Tony Awards. For people like me who adore all things cranked out by the folks who live and breathe the Great White Way, the show is actually quite enjoyable and sometimes even gives way to moments of pure giddiness. I have a feeling, Jason, that you are also partial to watching Broadway casts sing and dance on live television and, unlike 95% of Americans, you have probably seen most of the nominated shows and know the names of the incredible actors who will strut onto the stage tonight to accept their golden disk sitting atop a shellacked brown box. I am also betting it's nearly impossible to convince your cadre of macho male friends to come over to your place for a viewing party, so you will have to either enjoy the festivities with your mom, any gay guys you know, or all by your lonesome self. If only you knew a super cool chick who planned on watching the three-hour spectacle and may even sing along with a couple of the performances (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Yep, that would be one more benefit of our friendship, Jason, and if you had had the good sense to contact me in the last six months we could be mixing drinks and popping popcorn right now in anticipation of Sean Hayes' opening speech, instead of sitting solo on our couches, silently cheering on the underdogs. Don't let the opportunity to experience the Tony's with me slip through your fingers again, fine sir. Make sure by this time next year that I am on your speed dial so that if I can't fly down to L.A. we can at least critique the performances and acceptance speeches over the phone. I'll start putting together my Sondheim mash up as soon as the show is over, so 364 days from now I can dazzle you with my Fosse moves and Bernadette Peters-esque voice. I'll  expect you to be working on your jazz hands.