Reason 201

Naked cyclists. In 1995 a renegade group of naked, painted men on bicycles crashed Seattle's Solstice Parade, and every year since then the crowd of colorful nudists on wheels has grown into the hundreds, becoming every Seattleite's favorite part of the parade. Sadly, this year I missed the parade, which was yesterday, in favor of another uninspiring date (let us pause for a moment of silence as we honor my deceased love life), so I can't regale you with tales of some of the more creative paintjobs. I did however, set my peepers on a number of jaw-dropping canvases last year, including super heroes, a giant rainbow made up of solid-colored pedalers, various jungle creatures, and, my personal favorites, a gang of brave souls painted to look like Waldo; I almost missed them in the crowd. I propose, Jason, that you and I bare all at next year's parade, perhaps painted as Velma and Freddy from Scooby-Doo (I'm sure we could round up a Daphne and Shaggy) or as members of Electric Mayhem. You have already flaunted your junk for the world to see, so I can't imagine that covering your entire body in camouflaging latex and then zipping by a thousand people while on two wheels is much of a stretch for you. I, on the other hand, am new to the whole naked in public thing, so I will start working out immediately, do some research on body waxing, and invest in a more comfortable bike seat. There is no way I am letting it all hang out unless I can do it in style. Start brainstorming themes now, Jason - I'll be expecting some mockups of our 'outfits' by the end of the summer.