Respect for your stuff. Perhaps it's because my parents started taking me to our neighborhood library at a very early age or because I have an older brother who mercilessly tortured me if I touched anything he owned, but I have always tried my darndest to return borrowed items in the same condition they were loaned to me. If you ever trust me with one of your books, Jason, I promise not to dog ear the pages, crack the spine or drop it in the bathtub, making it a bloated, unreadable mess. Any DVD I beg to borrow will stay in its protective case until the moment I slip it into my player, my greasy fingers never touching the underside of the disc. If I am hanging out at your house and need to slip into your favorite t-shirt because I spilled pasta sauce down the front of my ensemble, I will wash my funk out of the garment and place it lovingly on a plastic hanger before returning it to your closet. Through the years I have loaned out many personal items to friends and family only to have my possessions scratched, torn, bent or lost, so I know firsthand how frustrating it can be to trust someone with your super cool 1980's compilation CD only to find it sitting in a puddle of beer with the heinous, sticky-fingered roommate nowhere to be found. I have even lived with someone who stole a knife, spoon and fork from me and then had the audacity to claim she had purchased the utensils at Target. Um, since when do stores sell single sets of cutlery, moron? I'm a little wiser these days, requiring friends to put down a deposit and provide me with both a copy of their driver's license and a DNA sample when they borrow something from me, just in case I need to involve the authorities in order to track down my precious goods; but since you are such a swell guy, Jason, I may only ask you to sign a lengthy contract. You will never have to ask the same of me, though, because I am a respectful, responsible friend who will always return your valuables in the same shape I borrowed them. It may be a year or so before you get them back, but at least you can take comfort in knowing they were treated well during that year.Monday, June 28, 2010
Reason 209
Respect for your stuff. Perhaps it's because my parents started taking me to our neighborhood library at a very early age or because I have an older brother who mercilessly tortured me if I touched anything he owned, but I have always tried my darndest to return borrowed items in the same condition they were loaned to me. If you ever trust me with one of your books, Jason, I promise not to dog ear the pages, crack the spine or drop it in the bathtub, making it a bloated, unreadable mess. Any DVD I beg to borrow will stay in its protective case until the moment I slip it into my player, my greasy fingers never touching the underside of the disc. If I am hanging out at your house and need to slip into your favorite t-shirt because I spilled pasta sauce down the front of my ensemble, I will wash my funk out of the garment and place it lovingly on a plastic hanger before returning it to your closet. Through the years I have loaned out many personal items to friends and family only to have my possessions scratched, torn, bent or lost, so I know firsthand how frustrating it can be to trust someone with your super cool 1980's compilation CD only to find it sitting in a puddle of beer with the heinous, sticky-fingered roommate nowhere to be found. I have even lived with someone who stole a knife, spoon and fork from me and then had the audacity to claim she had purchased the utensils at Target. Um, since when do stores sell single sets of cutlery, moron? I'm a little wiser these days, requiring friends to put down a deposit and provide me with both a copy of their driver's license and a DNA sample when they borrow something from me, just in case I need to involve the authorities in order to track down my precious goods; but since you are such a swell guy, Jason, I may only ask you to sign a lengthy contract. You will never have to ask the same of me, though, because I am a respectful, responsible friend who will always return your valuables in the same shape I borrowed them. It may be a year or so before you get them back, but at least you can take comfort in knowing they were treated well during that year.
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